Servants

If I ever said something like….”Son, this is what I’ve learned in life, what experience has taught me, something critically important for you to know as you embark on life or before you turn 30 or before you have kids….”their eyes would glaze over and they'd sigh deeply. In response they would probably say, “Make it twenty words or less, Mom, twenty words or less.” I’m standing there trying to figure out how to condense at least 1000 words into 20 and by that time (which may only have been 10 seconds) they’ve walked off. But there’s a lot of truth in “if I had it all to do over.”

A small group of young moms are embarking on a study of Real Moms Real Jesus and I’m one of the teachers. I will try not to say, “Ladies, this is what I’ve learned in life, what experience has taught….” Tempting though because most if not all were raised in the South so surely none of them would sigh or roll their eyes. But since that doesn’t start until next month, I’ll write down my revelation for this week. I have several…and not all of them are spiritual. One is pay your house off before you’re 50. See? Painless.

One of this author's topics is servant leadership. I’ve never really put those two words together. Moms are leaders of children…or they should be. If you’re not, that’s another thing altogether. Most moms usually get the leader part down. And the servant part seems to be a given doesn't it.

Jesus said, “So if I, the Master and Teacher, washed your feet, you must now wash each other’s feet. I’ve laid down a pattern for you. What I’ve done, you do.” John 13:12

I washed my kids' feet and their poopy bottoms. I cleaned them up after they’d thrown up all over themselves, the bed and every square foot between their bed, my bed and me and then all the way back to the bathroom. I washed green slimey noses. So I identify with Jesus washing the disciples’ nasty feet. The Creator of the entire universe on his knees, washing feet, the job of the lowest member of the household staff is something moms can identify with. We aspire to His attitude and perspective.

But the term is servant leadership….We are being servants and we are leading our children…TO BE servants….to become servants themselves.

Servant leadership means I take my cue from Jesus and follow His lead. I become a servant to others…they are always in my equation as opposed to just …. ME. What a novel idea for children to learn!

My first head nurse out of school was Alice Stein. I think I’ve talked about her before. She came up to about my elbow and looked like a little bulldog with a white nurse’s cap. She ran that hospital floor like a well oiled machine. She’d grab me and say, “I know you’ve never done this before…come with me.” If there was a light on, she’d answer it, if someone needed help, she’d drop what she was doing and go help, if you needed to stay late to finish up with a patient, she came in to help and see that it was done correctly. So everyone followed her lead. It was the most congenial group of women I’ve ever worked with…everybody just pitched in and worked together. We gave great care. I thought every hospital was like that.

Not. I moved to Dallas, Texas. Huge hospital. Every employee on my assigned floor dared you to ask them to do something. I never saw the nurse supervisor. So much for leadership.

We teach, give direction, demonstrate …with the intention of the child following our lead and doing it like we’ve taught and demonstrated. I expect a toilet to be cleaned like this, every time. I expect a bed to be made like this, every time. That’s authority leadership. Do it because your mama said to do it, buddy….which is repeated in various tones according to the attitude and presentation of your child.

Servant leadership goes beyond this. This is Alice Stein leadership in the home. “Honey, I’m getting a piece of cake, you want some?” “I’m cutting me a piece… I’ll bring you a piece too…want some milk?” I model this with my husband because what they see us do is more important than what we say.

Now…here’s the caveat. I don’t think kids just watch these little scenarios and put two and two together. They are kind of like men. A friend who had 5 kids said her husband walked in one evening from work. She had one kid crying on her hip, two whining, each attached to one of her legs and two fighting in the corner. He said, “Hey hon, what’s for supper?” They do not see it. They do not get it. You have to tell them.

My husband said on more than one occasion, “You’d think just one time they would realize how much we’ve done for them and be so grateful they’d mow the yard without me asking.” Nope….never happened.

You do not begin teaching this at 13. You begin at 2 or 3. Define a servant for your child…read the scripture…. Jesus modeled it for us. He expects it of us....in fact, sounds like a command to me. It’s so important, He had John write it down in chapter 13. Has nothing to do with who you are, how great you are, what your title is, where you come in anybody’s order, who they are or if they respond positively. Has everything to do with Who He is. This is what His followers look like.

We teach everything else….to love, share, be patient, kind, hold your fork right, don’t talk with your mouth full….what happened to servanthood? Think that would change the tone of a home? You have to make your bed, put your dishes in the dishwasher, brush your teeth, and go to school. You have to do your homework. You can’t play til you’re done. And I expect you to practice servanthood in this house.

So when you’re laying on the bed with them at night, reading, when you’re done and you’ve talked about the story, why not ask, “So how did you practice servanthood today sweetheart? What did you do for your brother besides punch him?

Would we drop dead if our kid asked his brother if he wanted a peanut butter sandwich too while he’s fixing? I know I would have. But can you imagine how this would change the atmosphere of a home if children practiced servanthood with each other?

Sure it’s forced, sure it’s just for a gold star on the chart on the refrigerator….but so is brushing your teeth. They get a gold star because we’re hoping at some point brushing your teeth becomes a HABIT and they will not have to be told to do it. Right? Why not this?

We are servant leaders expecting our troops to follow suit. It comes from our hearts. At some point, so will theirs.

Just a thought.