I was still in my pajamas, finishing up the last blog. The biggest deal in my life was worrying over my very capable, responsible, mature 25 year old second son’s schedule. Give me a break. I must need to get a job. My mom called and said, “Something’s wrong. I can’t get my thoughts together.” She’s 87. She always has her thoughts together. She has way more thoughts together than I do and I’m about 30 years younger. She takes care of my dad who has Alzheimer’s and is 92. She’s a trooper.
She’d had a TIA, a side effect of a heart rhythm that was detected right before she had a pacemaker a few weeks ago. She was transported to the hospital telling me as they wheeled her out to call her hairdresser so she’d know she wouldn’t be able to come today! She was hospitalized for anticoagulation therapy and sitting there looking at her one day, I realized she had reached that “I can’t do this any longer,” point and that lifestyle changes would have to be made. But I also realized she wasn’t bouncing back like she usually did. She’s who I inherited that inability to sit from and not only was she sitting, she was relishing sitting, relishing being served meals, relishing the silence and the respite from being asked the same question 10 times in one hour. She was worn out.
In my usual plan the day, plan the week, plan the month, plan the year mode, I embarked on trying to make plans with my sister and brother, but Mother’s body wasn’t cooperating with any plans beyond two weeks. We had no time frames to work within because we had no idea when or if her bounce would kick in. And I needed a plan because we’re having a wedding and thank goodness, you’re saying, this woman is not the mother of the bride! They would come to my house for two weeks and then someone needed to show up a week before the wedding so they could move back to their house and then after the wedding they could move back to my house and then after that we needed to come up with another plan because we had a two week trip booked after that. I really needed a plan like right now….for at least four weeks out. Nothing was coming together. Mother looked and acted…87.
I had been going to the hospital early in the morning and staying til early afternoon and then going back at night. I was meeting myself going and coming. I was praying, but still trying to plan. Plan is the operative word here. June 10th, God said to stop….and read Jesus Calling.
So the June 10th reading said, “Rest in Me, My child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don’t even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours. How foolish you are, My child!
Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of My Presence with you. This will keep you resting in Me all day, every day.”
And people say God doesn’t speak to us personally about situations we’re in?
He also reminded me of what I’d written the day this happened.
It was like a big reset button was mashed. Take a deep breath. Regroup. Refocus.
Who’s in charge…who am I following? Is my flashlight on the path right in front of me or waving wildly up ahead?
My flashlight is back on the path. God will give wisdom today for today and tell us when to look beyond today. He’ll tell us what we need to know and do when we need to know and do it. As I think back, He’s worked so many times to bring things together for my parents, why would He stop now?
That is the basis for future grace. His faithfulness in the past is our promise for His faithfulness in the future.
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