2 a.m.

I woke up at 2 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. I began to think about the phrase, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength.”

How do you do that if you’re not even sure he’s there, you’re not even sure you buy into this whole Jesus was God incarnate idea or even if he was, so what.

Because…in the heart of every man is a God shaped vacuum. That is why all over the world, people worship everything from rocks and trees to gods in great cathedrals and everything in between. That’s why they cry out to “God” in desperate situations, in times of greatest need. There’s something in us that is never quite resolved, never quite put to rest that can only be filled by God himself whether you buy into it or not. It just keeps coming up.

What I’ve found through years of following Jesus, is that he keeps leading me to issues, situations where I cannot do it….I cannot trust him alone, I cannot be brave, I cannot be silent, I cannot quit worrying, I cannot perform a job required of me. I can see him nodding, thrilled that I have come to the right conclusion which is….I cannot.

He wants me in that position so I have no other option but to ask him to do it, to provide what I need in a way that I know beyond a shadow of doubt, that he did it. Then he gets the glory, not me. When people say, “Wow…how did you ever do that?” I can honestly say, “It was not me. Trust me, it was not me, it was him. I cannot explain it but I know … it was not me, it was him.”

So initially as well.

Interesting that he lists loving him with all your heart first.

The first thing we do is look at ourselves. I’m an old operating room nurse, not a kindergarten teacher. Kindergarten teachers love every little snotty nose kid who walks in the door….to death. And they love his mom. They just love everything. O.R. nurses on the other hand, want you premedicated so they can just check your armband, take you in, cut you open, fix your guts, sew you up and ship you out. I can’t do this…I’m not a preschool teacher type person.

Actually, no one can. So he … captures our hearts. Big tough guy to preschool teacher, he meets us where we are, asks us to open our hearts and then he provides the love. Then he follows up with the rest of you... your soul, mind and strength.

“God, I don’t know if I even believe, but I want to. I want you to be God in my life. Fill my heart with your love so I am able to love you with all my heart. This is nothing like me…so may I just watch for you to show me yourself in such a way that I know it is you…however you choose to do that.”

He does it all. You just open the door and let him in.