Teacakes and Cupcakes

Monday I ate four chocolate chocolate chip cupcakes and at least ten teacakes. If you’re from the South, you know that a teacake is not the size of a quarter and it does not have fruit in it. These are big hummers…not the size of a dinner plate, but …. hefty. There is no way to rationalize it being good for you. White flour, white sugar, eggs and butter. I’ve watched surgeons peel this stuff out of arteries. Plaque looks just like the teacake dough which I cannot wait to bake so I test it raw just to be sure it’s good enough to bake.

This is all funny in a sick sort of way except I’ve dealt with overeating for years….particularly in the sweet/bread food group which I’ve rationalized being right under the fruits and vegetable group as being necessary for good mental health. I’m 5’9” though and my jeans are a size 8 so it’s hard to get any sympathy for this particular issue in my life.

Except it’s not just an issue. If I were 5’2” and weighed in at 280, you’d call it gluttony, intemperance, overindulgence, lack of discipline. I think that description applies at 7” taller as well. It’s not good for you, it is not healthy and I believe for me, it’s sin. If you are a child of God, the Holy Spirit lives within you and he produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and……self control. I’m totally ignoring him and choosing to satisfy this desire because….I want it. I need it. I’ve got to have it.

Oh I don’t say this every time I do this. I just inhale and poof, the cake is gone! But bottom line, that’s what I’m saying…whether food, alcohol, sex…whatever. And it doesn’t fit with who I am. Just doesn’t.

So I continue to beat myself up. Because not once, not one time have I ever eaten two apples in one sitting. I force myself to down one a day. I have never pigged out on fruit. I’ve never eaten a whole pot of collard greens. Not once have I pulled celery out of the bag, washed the whole thing and sat down with a smile on my face.

Tuesday I sat in the predawn stillness with my cup of coffee. I’d been dancing around this issue lately and working up to the big nose dive off the wagon that occurred the day before. Monday night our little group had met and talked about being kept by the power of God. I was thinking about that and how it applied to this issue. How am I kept from something like this. I finally decided to ask Debbie whom I’d see later in the day. She could help me work through it.

God said, “Ask Me.”

Now I never hear Him audibly. I just know that’s who it is. It’s very clear. It’s short and sweet.

Ooookay.

So I asked. “ How does this fit with being kept by the power of God? Because if I’m being kept, I wouldn’t have these nose dives.”

I believe all that scripture you’ve read, absorbed, learned over the years, He just dials up. So He said, “If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. Choose.”

That’s it. That’s all He said.

I have followed this one author who is an alcoholic. She had been dry for several years when she married. They had checked into a hotel after their wedding and found a complementary bottle of champagne in their room. They toasted themselves and then he ran back down to the car to retrieve something. She downed the entire bottle before he got back to the room.

So does she keep champagne in the house? Does she walk down the beer and wine aisle and just look to see what’s new? Not a chance. So why is it I flirt with things that tempt me? God says …. Choose. Me or it. He doesn’t mess around. When he chose his disciples, he said two words, “Follow Me.” “Choose”….and then He’s silent. You’re sitting there saying, “Well dang, do I weigh the options?" No! The cons pale in comparison…so why the fight? Because I want to do what I want to do? I gave that up when I made the choice to follow Him. I follow…He leads. He’s in charge, not me.

Sounds too cut and dried doesn’t it. Like this just couldn’t fit every little problem like this. But if you held up your issue….alcohol, food, sex, clothes…whatever and He said, “Choose….my way, which is self control. If you know that you cannot exhibit self control in Talbots, sale or no sale, with a charge card in your hand, you cannot go in. Me or the store…what’ll it be.” You send your sister in with $20 cash and the item number. I am kept by the power of God when I choose Him. I choose Him and the Holy Spirit which is within me, gives me the power to exhibit self control. I choose the other option and I’m on my own. Have a great time, buddy.

I don’t like it put like that.

Wednesday, I opened my daily Bible to January 27. The reading for today was Matthew 18:1-20. Know what verse is right in the middle of that reading? Verse 9 which says, “If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.” How…in the world…does He time things this way.

Today, Thursday, I began to study to prepare a lesson for a class of women on Sunday. We’re a week behind so our lesson this week is on Mark 9. Want to guess what verse 47 says?

If God ever tells me something, He will repeat himself because it takes a lot for me to get it. I get it. If sweets and Sister Schubert’s rolls cause me to sin, throw them away. Do not have them in my house. Do not have coffee in a bakery.

He brings joy, peace, satisfaction. Whatever is luring me, only brings that for the moment and then just profound guilt or disgust.

Hebrews says that we are to lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us and run with endurance the race that is set before us….fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. Choose. Lay it aside; throw it away so you can run. And the key…fix your eyes on Jesus, not the cookies, not the bottle, not the guy, not the clothes.

Fix your eyes on Jesus….the Author and Perfecter….of our faith.